open this book of memories (open up your page)
by cyclothimic
Summary: How could she forget? Even when she was under Hive's control, she remembered Jemma. Jemma was always at the back of her mind, whispering. She could hurt everyone, even Coulson, but she just couldn't hurt Jemma. Whatever Ward asked her to do, she just couldn't hurt Jemma. [Final part of Quake series]


**this will be the final installment of the quake series. thank you for keeping up! :)**

* * *

 _The me who didn't know how to be thankful for love_

 _The me who thought the end was the end_

 _To the image of who you wanted me to be_

 _I fixed myself everyday_

 _-Miracles in December, EXO_

* * *

She hoped she didn't wake up. Waking up had turn out to be one of the most awful tasks she had to perform in her day to day life. She woke up to finding out she was an oh-eight-four. She woke up to being attached to tubes and an oxygen mask over her face and Jemma's half-exhausted face hovering over her. She woke up to finding out her dad's identity and her true form as an alien. She woke up to watching Trip literally crumbling to pieces and dying in front of her. She woke up to the entire facility trembling and realizing it was her doing. She woke up to so many horrible, horrible things.

And then she woke up from being mind controlled by Ward – or whatever the hell he was – and remembering all those things she had done _willingly_.

She didn't wanna wake up anymore.

She lied in her bed, staring up at the padded ceiling, the whiteness of it glaring at her, mocking her of all the dirt she had embedded in her fingernails and the blood transfusing through her veins that were _not_ hers. Being Quake – her _birthright_ , she scoffed – had brought into her so much darkness and cruelty.

She missed being happy. She missed being able to love and touch without fearing that she would shatter their bones with one careless touch. She missed throwing tantrums and not risking bringing down an entire building because she couldn't control herself. She missed the days when she was made to stay in the Bus or in the van with a computer and a mouth that always complained about being stuck in a place. She missed when the most fun thing to do would be to sit in the lounge and play Scrabble with everyone.

"Daisy?" Her eyes shifted over to the quarantine pod. Jemma was standing there, wariness and longing swirling in her eyes as her lips were slightly parted.

She missed noticing Jemma sneaking glances at her and then looking away when she thought Daisy was looking. She missed spending time with Jemma in the lab, watching Jemma tinker with her test tubes while she trolled Reddit. She missed touching Jemma and making love to Jemma and listening to Jemma moan her name at climax. She missed Jemma looking at her with longing and teasing and without even a hint of fear or wariness, like she was now.

"Yeah?" she said, slowly crawling to a sitting position. She hoped Jemma didn't see the tear tracks on her face that had lingered when Mack came in just now, but judging by the way Jemma's eyes lingered on her face and the concern on her face increased, she saw them.

"We – We got Ward," Jemma said. "Or Hive, I guess."

She froze, staring at her girlfriend…? She wasn't even sure what they were anymore. But right now, she had more serious things to worry about. "Where? How?" After Jemma explained about the gel and the frozen victim thing, it still didn't alleviate her concerns. In fact, she grew more suspicious. "It can't be that easy."

"We got him, Daisy," Jemma stressed, smiling a little this time.

She stared at Jemma for a long moment while she worked through everything she knew about Ward _and_ Hive. Hive was a smart…thing. It couldn't be that easy. Jemma's face was lightened up with a tint of gladness and Daisy really didn't want to get rid of it after everything that had happened.

"Okay," she said with a nod, managing a small smile.

"Coulson will be here to let you out in a minute," Jemma said.

"Okay."

* * *

Of course it wouldn't be that easy. She knew it. Waiting for the pin to drop was easy. But figuring where it dropped was the hardest. And when she did, it was almost too late. It _was_ too late.

Lincoln's death was one death too many than she could ever handle. So after everything, she did the only thing she was good at. She fled. Fleeing was something she had gotten very good at after years of hacking into social service database to switch her to another foster home and running away from the authorities after she joined the Rising Tide. SHIELD was the only agency that had managed to get her under custody and she had to admit she might have slipped up a little for that to happen.

She didn't tell anyone she was leaving except Phyllis. If it wasn't for the fact that she needed Phyllis' help, she wouldn't have told the woman.

"You've got to stop," Phyllis had said quietly when she saw the duffle bag Daisy was holding, the same duffle bag that Daisy had been carrying when she fled from the Playground the first time. "It's not going to solve anything."

Daisy shook her head, dropping the bag with a muffled thump. "It's too dangerous. I've proven time and time again that one day, I will kill them – intentionally or unintentionally."

Phyllis clenched her jaw. "I lost the love of my life," she gritted between her teeth. Daisy lowered her head, ready for Phyllis to rain hell upon her for killing Lincoln. "It's not your fault." Phyllis' voice was still strong and firm. "It's Hive's fault and he's dead. They're _both_ dead." Daisy clenched her fists, feeling the waterworks rise. "And you don't see me running away. I am still _here_."

"You can leave," Daisy retorted. She shrugged with a sardonic grin and gestured at the exit. "I made you stay. And now I'm going to leave, you can leave too. The door is right there."

Phyllis stared at her with her jaw wide open, aghast. Daisy bit her lip. "I can't believe you had the gall to even _say_ that." Daisy frowned. "What do you take me as? A quitter?" Phyllis scoffed, not even allowing Daisy to say anything as she raised her palm in the air. "I know why you're here. And I will help you, but I really hope you think of the consequences before you actually do it."

"I've made my decision."

"So you're gonna leave all of us behind. Leave your families behind. Leave Jemma behind. _Again_ ," Phyllis shot at her with spite. "Do you even remember who Jemma is?"

Oh she did. How could she forget? Even when she was under Hive's control, she remembered Jemma. Jemma was always at the back of her mind, whispering. She could hurt everyone, even Coulson, but she just couldn't hurt Jemma. Whatever Ward asked her to do, she just couldn't hurt Jemma.

When she looked up at Phyllis again, the woman sighed and rolled back in her chair. "I'll give you 15 minutes."

* * *

"Of course you'd steal the best vehicle in the Playground."

Daisy smiled into the phone. "You know me."

"Coulson's running a search for you already."

"And I know you'll help me."

"Are you coming back?"

"You know where to find me."

"I miss you already."

"I miss you too."

"I love you, Daisy Johnson."

"I love you, Jemma Simmons."


End file.
